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The mindless ramblings of a woman on the edge..... of something.....

Wednesday, October 04, 2006

PEOPLE & THEIR DRINKS

A recent magazine survey, interviewed fifty bartenders and they were asked if they could identify a customer’s personality on what drinks they ordered?

Although interviewed separately, they concurred on almost all counts.
The results:

If Women Drink ...

Beer
Personality: Casual, low maintenance; down to earth.
Approach: Challenge her to a game of pool.


Cocktails or Blender drinks with umbrella
Personality: Flaky, annoying, dizzy, and a pain in the ass.
Approach: Avoid her, unless you want to be her cabin boy.

Mixed drinks - no umbrellas e.g.; Gin and tonic / Scotch and soda
Personality: Mature, has picky taste; knows what she wants
Approach: If she wants you, she’ll send YOU a drink.

Water
Personality: Pretentious and is looking for a serious relationship.
Approach: Don’t.

Wine - (bottled, not 4 litre cask)
Personality: Conservative and classy, sophisticated.
Approach: Try and weave Paris and clothing into the conversation.

Bacardi Breezer, Red Square, Archers Cooler, Smirnoff Ice, Mudshake etc.
Personality: Easy; thinks she is trendy and sophisticated actually has no clue.
Approach: Make her feel smarter than she is... and you’re in.

Cape Velvet
Personality: Annoying voice, bit of a tart.
Approach: Stand close and mention the alley next to the pub.

Shots and Slammers (Tequila, Vodka, Aftershock etc.)
Personality: Hangs around with male work pals or looking to get drunk...and naked.
Approach: Easiest hit in the pub, Nothing to do but wait.......


IF MEN DRINK... (As always, very simple and clear cut.)

Cider
He’s probably under-aged and wants to get laid.

Cheap Domestic Beer
He’s poor / student and wants to get laid.

Castle Lager Beer
He likes good beer and wants to get laid.

Imported Beer
He’s old; he likes good beer and wants to get laid.

Guinness
The man is rough and will get laid one way or another.

Water
He just threw up and is trying to wash the taste out of his mouth so that he can still get laid

Wine
He’s hoping that the wine thing will give him a sophisticated image and help him get laid.

Vodka or Brandy
Extremely horny hound, would shag a warm scarf. Desperate to get laid.

Port
Thinks he’s sophisticated, secretly likes men and wants to get laid.

Whisky
He doesn’t give two $hits about anything and will hit anyone who will get in his way of getting laid.

Jack Daniels
Not as masculine as the whisky drinker, knows all about feminine activities (knitting, crochet etc.) to weasel himself into getting laid.

Rum or Tequila
Likes fighting almost as much as getting laid.

Bacardi Breezer, Red Square, Archers Cooler, Smirnoff Ice, etc.
He’s gay (blatantly) - don’t turn your back or pick up any dropped change.

6 Comments:

At 5/10/06 19:33, Blogger Sal DeTraglia said...

So...my question is the following. What does one make of a man who drinks a mixture of beer, wine and whisky from a coconut shell?

 
At 6/10/06 10:32, Blogger christina said...

I'm not even going to attempt that one, Sal. :-)

I usually stick to water (what, me prententious?), but if I do have a drink, it's going to be either a (Bombay Sapphire) gin and tonic or a Bloody Caesar (Canada's most popular cocktail!). No umbrellas. Please discuss.

 
At 8/10/06 15:45, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ok Sal, attempting a response to that would most likely result in me having to pour a large glass of wine first.... heh heh heh....

Christina - I am very curious. What is in a Bloody Caesar??? Sounds intriguing! BTW - you certainly don't come across as pretentious :-)

 
At 8/10/06 21:48, Blogger Sal DeTraglia said...

Kath:

It's obvious that you're not Canadian. A Bloody Cesar is a Bloody Mary made with Clamato (rather than tomato) juice.

I'm not joking. I once--many years ago--had a "friend" in Calgary, and she raved about Bloody Cesars.

Sal

 
At 8/10/06 22:13, Blogger christina said...

Hey, Sal stole my thunder! :-( Yes, Kath, that's exactly what a Caesar is - Clamato juice and vodka in a celery salt rimmed glass with a celery stalk garnish. Very, very good.

I bet Sal's "friend" in Calgary also told him about the Calgary Red Eye, a popular hangover remedy: beer, Clamato juice and a raw egg.

 
At 13/11/06 11:13, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Okay....so finally getting to check out your blog....hmmmmm, interesting, I drink water or coffee, or a latte, so I'm pretentious - don't approach, perhaps in a previous life but now......dunno

 

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