My idea. Definintely mine :-)

Second half of Day 2: Vegetable mêlée isn’t bad. I stir-fry virtually everything in the house that resembles or could be called a vegetable (excluding the two legged variety). Once on the plate I cheat slightly by adding a teaspoon of rich soy sauce. All it needs is a breast of chicken and it would be perfect… Having said that - I have eaten, I am full and that’s all that matters. My family have started to question my sanity and simply shrug as I declare my distain for the condition of my body. I find it refreshing and wonderful that kids never seem to notice whether their Mom is a skinny piggy or a fatty piggy. Husbands daren’t comment on these things – at least not since Lorena Bobbitt took matters into her own hands… (Literally). I drink copious amounts of water during the evening finishing off once again with a cup of peppermint tea and my aloe vera tablets – still no labour like pains, thank God. I stress momentarily wondering if tomorrow is labour-day…….???

Day 3: I awake joyful in the knowledge that this is the last day. Today I start with decaf coffee and a bowl of prunes in their own juice. I am quite fond of prunes from a can so this isn’t so bad. My 1.5 litre bottle is full and I begin to drink. I have come to the conclusion that my brain and bladder actually work for different companies and that a memo will not suffice. I apply to the relevant authorities to commence a merger between the two entities. My friend and I rejoice by phone about this being the last day and describe in detail what it is we will indulge in on Day 4. In all seriousness, I have decided that I will continue to limit my bread and dairy intake beyond today as I am surprised at how good my stomach feels. I don’t have that stodgy bloated feeling after any of my meals. Ok, describing what I have eaten over the past couple of days as meals may be a bit ambitious but this is a detox after all. Coupled with the fact that I have not, for the second day running, experienced any stomach pains as result of the ‘cleansing’ tablets makes me think that detox isn’t such a difficult mission after all. Whoo Haa!
For lunch I have a bowl of soup with tomatoes and big chunks of vegetables and continue working my way through the bottle of water. Not only do I feel good but I am taken aback when I realise that I am quite full after the soup. Perhaps my body is starting to adjust to smaller portions. Joy and rapture! This just might work!!! I spend the afternoon alternating between water and peppermint tea (I really do need to find another herbal tea that I can drink). My friend calls and refuses to eat another piece of fruit stating that she would rather skip lunch. I remind her that we only have half a day left and we congratulate each other on how well we have done. Going cold turkey (pardon the pun) on bread has been difficult for her and her withdrawal symptoms have only just started to abate. We are lucky to have each other over these three days as there have been points where both of us felt like giving up – or giving in. I had to talk her down from a toasted sandwich in the middle of day two and she had to talk me down from a mixed tuna (with loads of mayo) salad earlier today. Together we are strong. Unstoppable. Goddesses of the detox world!!
My son has just received a glowing report from his teacher so we celebrate by allowing him to choose the menu for dinner. My stomach growls furiously as he happily lists out the items, which include pizza, garlic & cheese fries, Coke™ and chocolate & caramel ice-cream. I remain the all powerful and glorious detox woman as I dig in to a mixture of fresh vegetables steamed and served with a vegetable broth (sounds bland but actually tastes very fresh and wholesome). I drool into my veggies as I watch my son stretch the cheese on a hot slice of pizza as he bites and pulls it away from his jovial jaws. I close my eyes and pretend that the green bean I am chewing is a chip dripping in garlic sauce, and as the family make their way through the mound of ice-cream that is their dessert, I plough in to a bowl of pear, banana and strawberries – all fresh, all good, all low fat, all not ice-cream. Afterwards I sit on the couch feeling quite pleased with myself, a smug smile pasted on my face. I can do this! I have done this!
Each family member has loosened belts and buttons and is groaning about being ‘soooooo full’ and I realise that I too am full but in a much nicer way. I don’t feel like a stuffed fatty piggy. I feel like a healthy woman who has eaten well today. For the last time I go to bed with my mug of herbal tea and take my aloe vera tablets. In the morning I will stand on the scales and bask in the glorious result of my three day detox.

Day 4: I can’t wait to stand on the scales and barely manage to dress myself as I run to the bathroom to drag them out to the centre of the floor. The result is wonderful and causes me to cheer out loud. It has worked. I have successfully detoxed!
My friend calls me with an even better result than mine and we cheer triumphantly down the phone. We’ve done it! How fantastic is that???

I have resolved to continue my healthy eating plan and taking the aloe vera colon cleansing tablets – despite my detour through Milan in a couple of days. After all, there must be healthy low fat food available in Italian restaurants – all I have to do is look for it, right????!!!
Oink oink.
Kath