Blah blah blah

You Think English is Easy???

2007-01-05T15:02:00.000Z

Can you read these right the first time?

The bandage was wound around the wound.

The farm was used to produce produce .

The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.

We must polish the Polish furniture.

He could lead if he would get the lead out.

The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.

Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present .

A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.

When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.

I did not object to the object.

The insurance was invalid for the invalid.

There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row .

They were too close to the door to close it.

The buck does funny things when the does are present.

A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.

To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.

The wind was too strong to wind the sail.

Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.

I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.

How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat. We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth, beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices? Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell?

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which, an alarm goes off by going on.

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all. That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.

PS. - Why doesn't "Buick" rhyme with "quick"

My personal favorite!

2006-12-30T21:23:00.000Z

THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS by Clement Clarke Moore

'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house

Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse;

The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,

In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there;

The children were nestled all snug in their beds,

While visions of sugar-plums danced in their heads;

And mamma in her 'kerchief, and I in my cap,

Had just settled down for a long winter's nap,

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,

I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.

Away to the window I flew like a flash,

Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.

The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow

Gave the lustre of mid-day to objects below,

When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,

But a miniature sleigh, and eight tiny reindeer,

With a little old driver, so lively and quick,

I knew in a moment it must be St. Nick.

More rapid than eagles his coursers they came,

And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name;

"Now, Dasher! now, Dancer! now, Prancer and Vixen!

On, Comet! on Cupid! on, Donder and Blitzen!

To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall!

Now dash away! dash away! dash away all!"

As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,

When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky,

So up to the house-top the coursers they flew,

With the sleigh full of toys, and St. Nicholas too.

And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof

The prancing and pawing of each little hoof.

As I drew in my hand, and was turning around,

Down the chimney St. Nicholas came with a bound.

He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot,

And his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot;

A bundle of toys he had flung on his back,

And he looked like a peddler just opening his pack.

His eyes -- how they twinkled! his dimples how merry!

His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry!

His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,

And the beard of his chin was as white as the snow;

The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth,

And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath;

He had a broad face and a little round belly,

That shook, when he laughed like a bowlful of jelly.

He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf,

And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself;

A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,

Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread;

He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,

And filled all the stockings; then turned with a jerk,

And laying his finger aside of his nose,

And giving a nod, up the chimney he rose;

He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,

And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.

But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight,

"Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good-night."

Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night.....

2006-12-30T21:15:00.000Z

Although I understand that there are many holidays celebrated in December - Christmas Hanukkah Kwanzaa - I only celebrate one.

So, to anyone that logs in to this blog.......... I wish you a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.

May the peace of your God be with you.

Please fasten your seatbelts.

2006-11-24T11:50:00.000Z

I’ve recently discovered the best muscle tightening exercise known to man. A flight between Copenhagen and Warsaw in an aircraft that’s only identifying marks were the airline logo and a safety statement that referred to the aircraft a ‘Q400’. A what? I’ve never heard of one of those! Who makes those? More importantly, who services those and how regularly? I’m sure my face was a picture perfect replica of Edvard Munch’s ‘The Scream’ as I stepped off the transport bus onto the tarmac in Copenhagen airport. My initial thought; where’s the real airplane and why have they let us off the bus in front of this antique, pretend, wannabe aircraft? Obviously someone working for the airline had a sense of humour as when I managed to drag my eyes away from the rather narrow body, faded paint job and silver propellers, which I found myself staring at in a sort of terrified disbelief, I noticed the quote painted next to the entry door, which read “An open mind is the best travelling companion.” Obviously a number of Munch’s muses had boarded said aircraft over the last number of years and some airline marketing whiz kid had decided that putting this quote on the side of the aircraft was the best way to placate the terrified passengers. This comedic genius undoubtedly won employee of the month as even in my distressed state I managed to break a shaky smile at the appropriateness and the irony. The one hour and fifteen minute flight to Warsaw seemed to take an eternity and was bumpier than the face of an adolescent male. When we finally landed, I realised that I was going to be as sore (if not sorer) as someone who had spent the last hour on a Nordic-trac machine. Not until I sat on the bus transporting the passengers to the terminal building in the Frederic Chopin airport did my body relax. I am, no doubt, going to require a full body massage to recover. “How tragic?” I hear you say. ;-)

Borat - an American's Nightmare

2006-11-14T23:11:00.000Z

My husband and I went to see 'Borat; Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan' at the cinema the other night. We laughed so hard, our jaws and stomachs hurt. It's well worth a trip to the local movie theatre.

PS - I hope the similarity between Borat and your Dad is strictly a facial one, Sal.

This clip is from Borat's American tour (not in the movie). I'm posting it for all you 'political animals' to scoff at and for the rest of you to laugh at. Big belly laughs, please.

For my CocoNUTTY pal, Sal.

2006-10-22T22:17:00.000+01:00

If you don't believe me - check it out yourself!!!

Cleaning Maid Simple!

2006-10-22T16:20:00.000+01:00

In this age of ‘multitasking’ it seems that most women are now realising that you absolutely cannot do everything by yourself! I spend my days trying to find the delicate balance of all things motherly, wifey, careery, etcetery….. I officially give up! It’s not possible to be wonder woman and besides the costume is too damn tight and it rides up your arse when you’re trying to scrub the kitchen floor.

I have, therefore, resolved to hire the services of a cleaning lady / maid / whatever the PC name is for them nowadays. I have been instructed by a friend to immediately source an Eastern European domestic goddess and hire her at once. The only problem with living on the west coast of Ireland (and in the middle of nowhere) is that in order to obtain one of these must-have accessories you must be in a position to pick her up from the local village (3 miles away) and drop her back when she’s finished. Oh – and by the way – most of these ladies have very limited English, therefore you will spend most of the two or so hours trying to give hand signals for what you need done. Not only that but I have been given sound advice (allegedly) that before you invite someone in to your home to clean it – it should be pre cleaned so that the incoming cleaner doesn’t think that you are a complete pig.

Surely this defeats the purpose?

By the time I have pre cleaned, hand signalled and provided a taxi service, I would have had the whole lot done myself. Surely there is a better way?

Enter one very good friend with a staff of cleaners – albeit for the hotel industry. But, hey?!? Hotels have more people trekking through them in a day then I have through my house in, well, 2 days if you count the stray animals and stray teenagers that culminate in my kitchen most evenings. I am due to get my first official clean in the next week.

I’m so excited!

What will I have cleaned first? My teenage daughter’s room? Oh wait – that’s a dead zone – no one allowed in. Ok, then. My son’s room? Um, well, that’s the twilight zone. Anything that goes in there doesn’t come back out again! My room? No wait. What if she rummages through my husbands underwear drawer? Oh dear. Ah, the kitchen! Of course. Why didn’t I think of that sooner? She could start with the oven. Perfect. But before she get’s here I might just give it a quick clean – just so she doesn’t think we’re a bunch of pigs…

PEOPLE & THEIR DRINKS

2006-10-04T21:53:00.000+01:00

A recent magazine survey, interviewed fifty bartenders and they were asked if they could identify a customer’s personality on what drinks they ordered?

Although interviewed separately, they concurred on almost all counts.

The results:

If Women Drink ...

Beer
Personality: Casual, low maintenance; down to earth.
Approach: Challenge her to a game of pool.

Cocktails or Blender drinks with umbrella
Personality: Flaky, annoying, dizzy, and a pain in the ass.
Approach: Avoid her, unless you want to be her cabin boy.

Mixed drinks - no umbrellas e.g.; Gin and tonic / Scotch and soda
Personality: Mature, has picky taste; knows what she wants
Approach: If she wants you, she’ll send YOU a drink.

Water
Personality: Pretentious and is looking for a serious relationship.
Approach: Don’t.

Wine - (bottled, not 4 litre cask)
Personality: Conservative and classy, sophisticated.
Approach: Try and weave Paris and clothing into the conversation.

Bacardi Breezer, Red Square, Archers Cooler, Smirnoff Ice, Mudshake etc.
Personality: Easy; thinks she is trendy and sophisticated actually has no clue.
Approach: Make her feel smarter than she is... and you’re in.

Cape Velvet
Personality: Annoying voice, bit of a tart.
Approach: Stand close and mention the alley next to the pub.

Shots and Slammers (Tequila, Vodka, Aftershock etc.)
Personality: Hangs around with male work pals or looking to get drunk...and naked.
Approach: Easiest hit in the pub, Nothing to do but wait.......

IF MEN DRINK... (As always, very simple and clear cut.)

Cider
He’s probably under-aged and wants to get laid.

Cheap Domestic Beer
He’s poor / student and wants to get laid.

Castle Lager Beer
He likes good beer and wants to get laid.

Imported Beer
He’s old; he likes good beer and wants to get laid.

Guinness
The man is rough and will get laid one way or another.

Water
He just threw up and is trying to wash the taste out of his mouth so that he can still get laid

Wine
He’s hoping that the wine thing will give him a sophisticated image and help him get laid.

Vodka or Brandy
Extremely horny hound, would shag a warm scarf. Desperate to get laid.

Port
Thinks he’s sophisticated, secretly likes men and wants to get laid.

Whisky
He doesn’t give two $hits about anything and will hit anyone who will get in his way of getting laid.

Jack Daniels
Not as masculine as the whisky drinker, knows all about feminine activities (knitting, crochet etc.) to weasel himself into getting laid.

Rum or Tequila
Likes fighting almost as much as getting laid.

Bacardi Breezer, Red Square, Archers Cooler, Smirnoff Ice, etc.
He’s gay (blatantly) - don’t turn your back or pick up any dropped change.

Mirror, Mirror on the wall - you know the drill!

2006-09-29T10:41:00.000+01:00

Do mirrors like this really exist and if so, where can I get one? Ha ha ha.

P.S. Thanks Suz -x-

Alive, alive o'...

2006-09-25T19:53:00.000+01:00

I had a three day visit to Dublin, Ireland last week and as I live on the west coast of Ireland I decided that the best way to get to our sub-office was to drive. Silly me! There is a good intercity train system in place in Ireland, however once you get to Hueston Station, the main train station in Dublin, it will take you another hour (minimum) and approximately €30 in cab fare to get to the location of our sub-office. Bear in mind that the reason I would need to get a cab in the first place is because the divinely inspired engineering team that designed the Luas system in Dublin city (effectively the subway - only all above ground), did so without ever connecting the two trains that run the parameter of Dublin. Genius!

I left home at 6.30am for what should have been a 3 hour drive (door-to-door). I was very impressed by the fact that it only took me 2 hours to reach the Naas/Citywest roundabout – rotary for my American chums. Unfortunately the remaining 10+ miles to the sub-office took a further two and a half hours. Apparently there had been an accident earlier that morning that caused the delay. A huge note of thanks goes to the organisers of the Ryder Cup who progressed the completion of road works on the main road in to Dublin to facilitate the huge crowds travelling to and from the K Club for the event. Without their perseverance with the Irish Roads Authority my trip would have taken another hour on top of everything else. When there’s revenue generating events held in Ireland, things get done!

The hotel that I stayed in is the Radisson SAS St. Helen's Hotel in Booterstown on the Stillorgan Road. From the main road this former historic house which has been restored and adapted into a five star hotel is a magnificent sight. I was very excited at the thought of seeing the interior and spending 2 nights there. When I had parked my car I immediately had the services of a very helpful gentleman complete with top hat and tails to carry my suitcase and show me to the reception area. I already felt like royalty! The staff is very helpful and courteous and assisted me in every way during my check-in. The interior was impressive although a little bland. I expected more grandeur than what greeted me when entering the main building. This was more than compensated by a visit to the rear gardens, restaurant areas and banquet halls. LePanto is very tastefully decorated in period style with tapestry like curtains, crystal chandeliers and dark furniture with heavy upholstery. This contrasts well with the tile and glass conservatory area called St. Helen’s Pavilion which plays host to large events. Of course there are the usual meeting rooms and banquet halls, which are decorated in accordance with neutral hotel standards – boring but what would you expect for a meeting/conference room? A friend of mine recently attended a wedding reception at this hotel and said that although the service and setting were very high standard, the food was as you would expect at any large event, i.e. not overly impressive. Having said that, this is a hotel that only the rich and/or famous would be able to afford for a wedding reception (the bride wore Vera Wang….. need I say more?). All of my awe and enthusiasm for this hotel vanished upon entering my ‘standard’ room. Ok, so I did get an extremely good rate for the two nights (€100 cheaper than some of the three star hotels in the area). I certainly expected more than what I got. The room was clean and comfortable and suited my needs but certainly was not what I anticipated a five start hotel room to look like. Picture any hotel room you’ve stayed in when travelling to an ordinary Radisson, Starwoods, Mariott, etc. and hey presto… my room. The phrase ‘You get what you pay for.’, comes to mind. I skipped the *pay extra* breakfast and opted for a bagel and coffee from a Starbucks look-a-like on the way in to the office each morning. Trust me when I tell you that the traffic in Dublin is phenomenal at the normal congestion times. Makes you wonder why they didn’t rethink the Luas layout?!?!?

On the first night I went for an informal dinner with some friends to the newly refurbished Stillorgan Orchard. This is a contemporary bar/café with a very typical menu of standard European offerings – steak, chicken, fish, pasta, etc. The ambiance is warm and inviting and they have large outdoor seating areas with heat lamps to facilitate smokers. I had cod goujons with fried potatoes and tartare sauce washed down with a glass of crisp, medium-dry French Chardonnay. It is a great place to go for a bite to eat and a few drinks with friends.

The second night I ventured further in towards the city centre with a different set of friends to a restaurant called the Canal Bank Café. This is a very upmarket and trendy restaurant with a great menu, wonderful atmosphere and superb wine list all for very reasonable prices. On this occasion my two friends and I shared starters of buffalo wings (in the words of Jessica Simpson “How do they fly with such small wings?”), with celery and blue cheese dressing and a massive plate of calamari with lemon. For my main course I indulged in the char grilled prime beef burger with grilled bacon, fontia cheese and tomato relish. Not forgetting the rather nice couple of bottles of Di Lenardo Pinot Grigio, Vendemmia 2004 (Italy) – well there were three of us!!! There is a lot to be said for a really good restaurant that has reasonable prices in Dublin as it can be one of the more expensive European cities to go out and eat in.

It has to be said that the company I was in on both nights made them even more enjoyable. Good friends, good food and good wine make for the perfect evening.

My drive home took less time although at that point the tail end of a hurricane was sweeping in across the east coast of Ireland leaving the Ryder Cup golfers safely tucked up at the 19th hole, unable to practice. I’m sure they didn’t mind ;-)
I, on the other hand, felt as though I was piloting an aircraft for most of the journey!!! Very scary indeed.

I’m off to London again later in the week and back there again the following week for three more days. Needless to say…………………. I’ll be back.

Taxi...........??

2006-09-24T17:30:00.000+01:00

On my last business trip to London, England, my colleague and I had the opportunity to stay at the Sherlock Holmes Hotel and dine at Jamie Oliver’s restaurant, Fifteen.

Overall we had a very enjoyable stay despite the humidity, heavy rain, thunder & lightening and severe transport difficulties with both the London Underground and Paddington Express to London’s Heathrow Airport. On a couple of occasions and when all else failed, we resorted to taking taxis. This is where I will point out that ‘The Knowledge’ that London taxi drivers are alleged to have was most definitely a myth - on at least two encounters. I will also add, in case the question arises, that ‘yes’, on both occasions the drivers were London natives. Both of the elderly drivers needed to resort to the London A to Z in order to locate two of London’s more popular (you would think) destinations. One being Fifteen and the other being Heathrow Airport.

At this stage, I will revert to the more pleasurable parts of our stay.

The Sherlock Holmes Hotel is a ‘boutique’ hotel with real charm. The entrance takes you through a very trendy yet cosy bar area overlooking Baker Street. I was upgraded to a Superior Studio room upon our arrival – for no apparent reason, although I’m not going to complain about that! My colleague was given a standard room but discovered, to his joy, that the slippers, assorted combs and two bottles of wine lying across his bed were compliments of the hotel. My room was, in the words of Austin Powers, “Yeah, baby. Yeah!”.

The room is made up of an entrance hall with luggage storage and a wardrobe area, two steps up into the studio area to the bed, couches and writing desk, with enough of the solid wood floor left to hold a disco. Off of the studio, separated by glass doors, is a rather cramped but functional bathroom complete with a floor drain, which was very useful, even necessary, considering the amount of water that splashed out during my shower.
The hotel restaurant looked very impressive even though we neglected to indulge in the Europeanesque menu as we had already made dinner reservations for Fifteen London, and breakfast the following morning was being provided by conference hosts. The hotel is also very conveniently located near the Baker Street tube station but I would warn that you should know in advance which exit to take out of the station and which direction to walk in as you find yourself faced with an intersection of two major streets.

For dinner at Fifteen we opted for the tasting menu in the basement restaurant. The meal, which turned out to be seven courses, was delicious.

The portions were very satisfying and such that you didn’t leave the restaurant feeling as though you would need a wheelbarrow to get you back to the hotel. Mint seemed to be the herb of choice that night as it played the starring role in at least three of the courses. I opted for halibut as my main course (the other option being a rather uninspiring shoulder of beef) and although the accompanying spicy lentils, sliced potatoes and roasted tomatoes served as an excellent compliment in flavours, the fish was slightly undercooked for my taste. I overlooked this as I felt this was a minor criticism when the meal and superior service where taken as a whole.
The only part of the Fifteen experience that I was not over enamoured with was the décor. Even though it is modern, clean and upbeat, the pink and white basement area with graffiti art and uncomfortable plastic chairs coupled with leather bench couches and mosaic tiling in some areas give the impression of a rather confused interior designer. In summary, this was a very amiable dining experience and I would recommend that you give it a try the next time you visit London. Just remember to make reservations well in advance and don’t ask a London taxi-driver to take you there!!! The staff graciously ordered us a taxi to take us back to the hotel. However, after waiting patiently in the inclement weather for twenty minutes, we eventually walked to the nearest busy road to flag one down. Luckily, this one knew how to get to our destination without difficulty.

My next business trip was to Dublin, Ireland. Come back and visit for the details….!

Alive and Kicking.

2006-09-21T18:40:00.000+01:00

Yes, it has been a while!
My friends and family seem to think that I have fallen off the face of the planet. Well, perhaps I have. Between managing a career in Law with Acme Low Carb Tongue Depressors, Inc. (which involves a significant amount of travelling), Children (1 x 14yr old and 1 x “I can’t wait to be a teenager so I can get away with all the stuff my sister does” 8yr old), a Husband (who really counts as another teenager) and my 84 year old Mother (all living under my roof – I might add!!!), I haven’t had much time to blog or remember exactly which planet I live on.
My inspiration to return to the world of blogging is taken from my colleague who writes consistently wonderful articles that make me laugh out loud. He swears that putting your random thoughts on a url is therapy for the bewildered. Or maybe he was just referring to me as ‘bewildered’? Maybe he didn’t even say that? Am I paranoid? Who me???
So, now I am faced with the difficult task of finding something entertaining, nay interesting, to write about. I have stopped the Fatty Piggy Club blog as it became a bit of a chore writing all those articles by myself – and let’s be honest; there are far more exciting things to talk about other than dieting. Besides, there are plenty of sites out there already dedicated to that sort of thing.
So, while I consider topics - you watch this space……………………!
PS - all thoughts and or ideas are graciously requested :-)

The Human Guinea Pig

2006-03-07T18:57:00.000Z

A friend recently told me of his experience with the South Beach Diet and pointed me in the direction of the website and book. He seems very happy with his results thus far. I did some reading and have to admit that I was not overly enthused by the ‘meal plan’. That was until I read some of the recipes. It seemed far more interesting after that. I have already stated (in a previous post) my intense distaste for diets that proclaim steamed chicken and vegetables as their mainstay. Bottom line: I like tasty, savoury, hearty food.

I maintain that every diet will work for the initial period and that it’s only when you stray – i.e. get sick of sticking to it – that it fails and you’re back to square one. We all know what to eat and what’s good for us. No one (with a clear conscience) could ever finish a full Irish breakfast, cooked the old fashioned way in 2 inches of fat, and proclaim that they felt healthier! Full, most certainly… but not healthier.

The Atkins Diet will tell you that such a breakfast is close to ideal as it is very high in protein. Amazing that anyone could consider a breakfast of fried eggs, rashers (bacon), sausages, puddings (black & white), tomatoes, mushrooms and beans part of a diet. I was amazed. So much so that I thought I’d give Atkins a bash. For two weeks (a couple of years ago) I followed the diet with the precision of an Italian barber. By the start of the third week I vowed to never eat another egg, piece of cheese, piece of meat, spoon of mayonnaise or can of tuna as long as I lived. The mere thought of one of these items passing my lips made my gag reflex kick in to action. Maybe the Atkins diet works because you just stop eating to prevent being sick!!! Having said that – I’ll let everyone draw their own conclusions. Please don’t let my description stop you from doing that particular diet. Thankfully, everyone is different and has different tastes. I must also add that although I wasn’t fond of it, I did loose a significant number of pounds in the first two weeks. That was not enough to entice me to continue, however.

Back to South Beach…. and in the interest of being fair to this particular diet and because I have an upcoming visit to the Motherland (10 weeks from now) I have decided to give the South Beach Diet a go. *Stop groaning, Sal. I can hear you from here.* I start tomorrow – after my weigh-in at Fatty Piggy Club. I’m kind of excited about this because, like I said earlier, there are some interesting recipes in it.

I’ll be sure to let you know how it goes………….

Oink oink,
Kath

PS – I read somewhere that when Dr. Atkins passed away he was clinically obese….!

Jogging made simple (HA!)

2006-03-06T20:33:00.000Z

Want to make a speedy transition from walking to jogging...?

EASY...!! Just take your 6'1" husband along. His 34" legs on a *stroll* equate to my 31" legs in fast forward. I had to trot along side him just to keep up. He insisted that he was only "walking briskly". When I suggested that he walk 'less briskly' he simply laughed and said "C'mon, Kath. I thought you wanted to go for a walk, not a stroll?". My mind wanders back to my original concept for a blog "All Men Are B*stards!". I begin to regret asking him to join me.

We gallop along the peaceful country road covering the 3 miles in just 35 minutes. This has knocked nearly 10 minutes off my previous attempts. When we get back to the house, the dog spends 5 minutes with her head stuck in the water bowl lapping furiously while I do some light stretches noting that my hind quarters are now tingling.... and will, without a doubt, be sore in the morning.

Strangely enough, at this point all I can think is that one week of this and I'll be a size 8 - or in the hospital recovering from cardiac arrest.

Needless to say my darling husband wasn't even short of breath - Aargh!

And I do this all in the name of vanity..... oops, I mean sanity!

Oink oink,
Kath

On the road again.

2006-03-01T15:57:00.000Z

I was trying to explain to a friend of mine why I'm finding it to be a difficult transition from walking to running particularly on the roads where I live. The surrounding area is not flat needless to say although the views when out for a walk are magnificent. The road is also extremely narrow - one small car at a time. My description: this road was obviously once a cow path that someone decided to pave! I'll let you judge for yourself.

It's also very open to the elements, which frequently change. The person who came up with the descriptive meteorological phrase for New England - 'If you don't like the weather, wait a half hour.' - had obviously never spent more than 10 minutes in Ireland. I'm sure the similarity in weather patterns is the reason for Irish immigrants clustering along the east coast of America!

Enough of my rambling - I have, therefore (due to the weather and general condition of the Irish roads) decided to purchase an indoor machine on which to 'run'. I am, however, torn between a cross-trainer and a treadmill. So my question is 'Which one is better?'. Answers on a postcard to PO Box FPC....... ok, seriously, if you have a comment to make you know what to do...

Oink oink,

Kath

PS - ain't it pretty in County Clare?

A half is better than nothing!

2006-02-24T20:19:00.000Z

Anyone who has dieted (seriously) knows that the first few weeks will be the most successful, i.e. you will loose more than the recommended 1-2lbs per week. After that your body adjusts to your smaller portions or lack of carbs or removal of wheat (whatever you’re into) and the weight comes off slowly. This is a good sign and usually indicates that those pounds, even though they seem to take forever to come off, are gone for good.
It always amazes me that weight goes on much faster than it comes off. Must be a physics thing and I was never good at physics – in fact I’m not even sure I’ve spelled it correctly!
A few weeks into the start of my joining, I came home from a FPC meeting to be greeted by my husband who innocently asked how I’d done that week. In the previous weeks I had managed to shed a significant amount of poundage and was feeling very positive and even a little smug. When I replied that I’d lost a half-pound, my husband asked if I was disappointed. My look said more than words and he hastily retreated from the kitchen offering his congratulations while making a mental note to never ask such a stupid question again. Since then we have both come to realise that every ounce is precious to me, particularly if it’s in the right direction. Even if you are told that there’s no change from the previous week that’s still something to be proud of. I’ve experienced three week spells where my weight stayed the same but my consolation was that I hadn’t gained anything back. So, why beat myself up? Let’s face it – years of unhealthy eating cannot be rectified in one month.
The purpose of this post is to remind all Fatty Piggy’s to never feel bad if you ‘only’ loose a half-pound but feel good that you’ve succeeded in loosing yet another half-pound and you are that much closer to your target.

Oink oink,
Kath

I do run run run – I do run run!

2006-02-21T09:43:00.000Z

Ok, well not so much ‘run’ as walk a little faster than normal…

I have taken the advice of my colleague (at Acme Tongue Depressors) and have started to get out of the office at lunchtime, exchanging my stale office air for the fresh, cold Irish winter air (brrrrrrr). Armed (or ‘footed’) with MBT’s and the obligatory navy blue college sweats that are still 8 sizes too big (worn for effect, of course), I take to the Irish countryside for 45 minutes of fast paced walking with my dog in tow. I have decided that the only way to speed up my weight loss is to exercise. “Duh!” I hear you say aloud. I know, I know - It’s a definite case of practicing what I preach!

Thankfully (for my ego) my colleague wasn’t offering me weight loss advice. He was merely pointing out that this daily break does in fact help him keep his sanity (debatable…..). He has successfully converted another colleague of ours on another continent so we now have a running (and I use the term loosely) club of three members when we visit the ‘motherland’ in May. I’m looking forward to it already.

I will eventually build up to a light jog but can never see myself actually running as that could only result in an injury to me or to another passer-by……. Someone once told me that if you do a 2 minute walk - 2 minute jog (alternating for 45mins) for one week and then build up the minute vs. jog ratio that you will eventually jog the entire 45mins without even noticing. Hmmmmm. I’ll let you know how that goes.

Oink oink,
Kath

Sit-up and take notice!

2006-02-06T14:51:00.000Z

An acquaintance of mine recently proclaimed that part of her new year’s resolution (...to be impossibly thin in an impossibly short period of time…) was taking to the floor each night to do fifty sit-ups. I asked if she was doing anything else, like walking or swimming. The answer was a flat ‘no’ as she gathered a large portion of her midsection between her thumb and forefinger and announced that ‘this was really where she needed to loose it’.

The aim of this post is to stop other people from making that same mistake. Please read up on exercise before you undertake it or talk to someone who is in the know. Go to your local Gym and talk to the staff or search the web for information – anything – but do not be lead astray by infomercials and the like that tell you that all you have to do is ‘5 minutes per day and you too could have the body of a supermodel’!

There is simply no such thing as spot reducing. Fat can only be removed from the body in more or less equal parts. If you lose 5 pounds those pounds will come from all over your body in small amounts (thighs, hips, bottom, arms, neck, face, etc.).

From reading up on this very topic, I have learned that the abdominal (ab) muscles are muscles just like any other. When you train a muscle it will become stronger & tighter – e.g. if you begin training your bicep muscles with light weight curls then your biceps will become stronger & tighter. Therefore, if you begin training your abdominal muscles with sit-ups (or any other type of abdominal exercise) then your abdominal muscles will become stronger & tighter.

However, your new stronger & tighter abdominal muscles will still be buried beneath layers of fat tissue so you won’t be able to see them. Your abdominals will never be noticeable until you burn away the fat that is covering them up. Making your abs stronger and tighter is not the same thing as burning away the fat tissue: which sits on top of your abs.

In a nutshell: When you see an overweight person they not only have fat on and around their midsection but on their face and neck too. So, when that person loses weight they’ll not only lose weight from their stomach and hips but their face and neck will also be noticeably slimmer.

This is true because fat tissue can only be burned from all over your body at the same time, in more or less equal amounts.

The two best and most tried, tested and successful methods of burning fat:
1) Eat properly; and
2) Do non-strenuous aerobic exercises.

Oink oink,
Kath

Tag - You're It!

2006-02-04T20:53:00.000Z

I was challenged – or tagged- by my pal, Sal (there’s a song in there somewhere) to take part in a ‘MEME’. Other than that being a French/Canadian term for Grandma, I have no idea what it means. I’ll answer the questions anyway as apparently this is designed for all bloggers who have had a complete brain freeze – and as you can see from the postings on this blog mine has completely frozen!

OK then: here goes…..

FOUR JOBS IVE HAD (all prior to the one I have now):
1. Sales assistant at ‘Mr. Donut’. This was my first after school job and probably my first step towards becoming a fatty piggy….
2. General dogs body in a law firm (filing and getting coffee for overpaid lawyers for the summer before senior year). For some strange reason this is what enticed me to pursue a career in law (sad, eh?).
3. Hairdresser… or should I say Hairwasher! Hated it, hated it, and hated it!!! Spent an entire year doing this prior to college. Thought I’d take the ‘easy’ route to being wealthy. Boy, was I wrong. Did I mention that I hated it?
4. Secretary to a financial controller (yawn!). I (yawn) found that one (yawn) particularly exciting (yawn)…! Thus again I was enticed to pursue my original idea of a law career and hey-presto… here I am today (yawn) with a career (yawn) in law…. (yawn)!!! Aren’t I (yawn) glad I didn’t (yawn) opt to become a (yawn) boring accountant..???? I’m sure Sal will agree with me on that one – if he’s still awake that is!!

FOUR MOVIES I CAN WATCH OVER AND OVER:
1. Bull Durham
2. The Wedding Singer
3. Batman Returns
4. Some Like It Hot

FOUR PLACES I’VE LIVED:
1. Waltham, MA
2. St. Petersburg, FL
3. Nashua, NH
4. County Clare, Ireland

FOUR TV SHOWS I LOVE(D):
1. Tom & Jerry (does that count as a ‘show’?)
2. I Love Lucy
3. CSI (the original in Las Vegas – the rest are poor imitations)
4. The Dukes of Hazzard, and 'yes' I am embarrassed about that one!!!

FOUR BOOKS I’VE READ THIS YEAR (actually last year):
1. “It is just me or is everything shit? The encyclopedia of modern life” - Lowe & Mcarthur.
2. “The Rule of Four” - Caldwell & Thomason
3. “Blow Fly” - Cornwell
4. “Lifeguard” - Patterson & Gross

FOUR PLACES I’VE VACATIONED:
1. Hermit Island, ME
2. St. Pierre et Miquelon, France (I think)
3. Paris, France
4. Menorca, Spain

FOUR FAVORITE DISHES:
1. Anything Italian
2. Seafood Platter
3. Scrambled eggs with smoked salmon
4. Fish & Chips
(Hmmmmm.. I’m noticing a nautical trend.)

FOUR SITES I VISIT DAILY:
1. Sky News
2. ebay
3. My employer’s homepage
4. This blog

FOUR PLACES I’D RATHER BE RIGHT NOW:
1. At my Dad’s house in MA
2. At my Sister’s house in MA
3. At my other Sister’s house in CN
4. At my Brother’s house in ME
(Do you get the feeling I miss being around my siblings???)

FOUR BLOGGERS I’VE TAGGED TO CONTINUE THIS MEME:
1. thru 4. I’ll follow Mausi’s and Sal’s lead: I do hereby tag any bloggers reading this who are experiencing a “bad brain day.”.

Oink oink,
Kath

We're Back...........................

2006-02-01T10:35:00.000Z

It's been a while; in fact it's been too long. Us Fatty Piggy’s are still trying to recoup from the holiday season (Fatty Piggy Fest) that was Christmas, New Year's and any other celebration we had the misfortune to take part in. Top that off with a visit to Scotland, large quantities of scotch whiskey, haggis and bacon butties washed down with Cosmopolitans (at midnight) – oh and one trip to TGI’s for dinner that resulted in 1 combo starter and 6 Cosmopolitans (no dinner) - and you have a Fatty Piggy disaster on your hands. My stomach hurts just thinking about it!!

We are back on track now and determined to continue our mission as we careen dangerously towards summer vacations and swimwear. Each one of us had our own torturous return to the scales within the past couple of weeks; and believe me, it wasn't pretty.

Onwards and upwards - we shall overcome - we can do it! Words of inspiration or desperation? At this point I'm not sure!

Let's start with a really nice recipe:

Chicken Salad wrapped in Chinese Lettuce
1 cold grilled chicken breast
2 sticks of celery
1/2 onion or 3 spring onions
1 clove garlic
1 carrot (peeled and blanched to soften)
Parsley (a pinch of dried or 1 stem of fresh)
2 tablespoons of low fat (preferably fat free) mayonnaise
Leaves of Chinese lettuce (although any crispy lettuce with large leaves will do)

Put the lettuce leaves to the side. Throw all of the other ingredients into a food processor and whiz until the contents resemble a thick paste - the less you whiz the chunkier the salad mix so go according to your own tastes. Spoon the salad mix into a lettuce leaf - or two - and enjoy. This is tasty and healthy alternative to having a sandwich and lower in carbs and fat. The best part about this recipe is that kids love it too so you can serve it to the family as a lunch or snack item (thus hiding the vegetable content and fooling them into thinking it’s just chicken & mayo). The chicken can be substituted by either 1 can of tuna (in brine) or a grilled turkey breast (you'll need more of the other ingredients as turkey breasts are larger) and it tastes just as good.

Enjoy!

Oink oink,
Kath

You have to laugh......

2005-11-29T08:43:00.000Z

LoL to Shar and Pearl for providing these!

-x-

**********

A Husband was in big trouble when he forgot his Wife's birthday.

His Wife told him "Tomorrow there better be something in the driveway for me that goes from zero to 200 in under 10 seconds!".

The next morning the Wife found a small package in the driveway. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Funeral arrangements for the Husband have been set for Saturday.

**********

Are you mad?

During a visit to a Mental Asylum, a visitor asked the Director
what the criterion was which defined whether or not a patient should
be institutionalised.

"Well" said the Director, "We fill up a bath, then we offer a teaspoon,
a teacup and a bucket to the patient & ask them to empty the bathtub."

"I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person would use the
bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup."

"No." said the Director,
"A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a room
with or without a view?"

Recipe of the Month

2005-11-29T03:45:00.000Z

The one thing (although I’m sure I could come up with a list as long as my arm) that I detest about diet recipes – particularly those found in women’s magazines – is the writers insistence that all you need to consume for your main meal is a portion of lean grilled chicken and steamed vegetables and you will: fit into that size 2 dress (size 2 is a children’s size, isn’t it?); lose 7 pounds in 7 seconds (c'mon – we’ve all tried it); meet the man of your dreams (Hmmmmm)…. and all that jazz!! Well I don’t know about the rest of you, but to me it sounds like the most tasteless, boring and unfulfilling meal EVER. It would certainly not entice me to continue along the path of healthy eating. By 8 pm (max) I’d be ready to rummage through every kitchen cabinet in search of a filler.
This has inspired me to seek out recipes that are both healthy and bursting with flavour. Here is one such recipe for beef curry with toasted spices.
I recommend using either left over roast beef or leg of lamb cut into bite size cubes. Delicious!!
Oink oink,
Kath

Fatty Piggy a Milano!

2005-11-18T03:30:00.000Z

So, perhaps you were wondering how my detour through Milan resulted – more specifically my calorie consumption.

I have one word for you…… DISASTER!!!

Italian food is glorious, delicious and fantastic.

On Monday night I was taken for a meal (Grazie, Roberto) that can only be described as sumptuous – or maybe gluttonous. Italians don’t generally go for dinner any earlier than 9pm so I was already on a losing streak. How to work off a 5 course meal at 12pm?? Okay, so there are probably plenty of ways, but I was on a business trip and my ‘exercise’ was safely tucked up in bed in Ireland.

The starter consisted of a Mediterranean buffet – all sorts of peppers, olives, artichoke hearts, cheeses, cured hams and seafood marinating in separate dishes of olive oil with garlic and various spices or balsamic vinegar. I gave up on counting Points after my second visit to the table.

For what I originally believed to be my main course, only to later discover was yet another ‘starter’, I had a dish called Papparadelle Porcini. It is fresh wide, flat strips of pasta served with a creamy mushroom sauce. Delectable!

When the waiter asked what I wanted for my ‘main course’ I, with much surprise, restated my desire for the Papparadelle Porcini. He clarified that this was not my main course but the pasta course. I declined his invitation to make a complete fatty piggy of myself and have a 12oz steak. Roberto did indulge in the steak, which looked absolutely mouth-watering.

During the evening we drank two bottles of a dark and fruity red wine. which served as an excellent accompaniment. We completed the meal with grappa (aids digestion – trust me!), as dessert, thank God, was declined by all. I can only refuse dessert if no one else is having one – otherwise I tend to join in.

The following days eating was no less calorific (a magnificent pizza and pasta combo washed down with a frothy cappuccino) and I barely managed to roll myself on to the airplane later that night.

I have gone back into ‘healthy eating’ mode today – have some compensating to do with my Points - but am looking forward to my next visit to Italy!

Oink oink
Kath

A. A. A. D. D.

2005-11-18T02:49:00.000Z

Thanks to my Dad for forwarding this....
Oink oink,
Kath

Recently I was diagnosed with A. A. A. D. D. - Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder.

This is how it manifests:

I decide to water my garden.

As I turn on the hose in the driveway, I look over at my car and decide my car needs washing.

As I start toward the garage, I notice that there is mail on the porch table that I brought up from the mail box earlier.

I decide to go through the mail before I wash the car.

I lay my car keys down on the table, put the junk mail in the garbage can under the table, and notice that the can is full.

So, I decide to put the bills back on the table and take out the garbage first.

But then I think, since I'm going to be near the mailbox when I take out the garbage anyway, I may as well pay the bills first.

I take my check book off the table, and see that there is only one check left.

My extra checks are in my desk in the study, so I go inside the house to my desk where I find the can of Coke® that I had been drinking.

I'm going to look for my checks, but first I need to push the Coke aside so that I don't accidentally knock it over.

I realize the Coke is getting warm, and I decide I should put it in the refrigerator to keep it cold.
As I head toward the kitchen with the Coke, a vase of flowers on the counter catches my eye--they need to be watered.

I set the Coke down on the counter, and I discover my reading glasses that I've been searching for all morning.

I decide I better put them back on my desk, but first I'm going to water the flowers.

I set the glasses back down on the counter, fill a container with water and suddenly I spot the TV remote.

Someone left it on the kitchen table.

I realize that tonight when we go to watch TV, will be looking for the remote, but I won't remember that it's on the Kitchen table, so I decide to put it back in the den where it belongs, but first I'll water the flowers.

I pour some water in the flowers, but quite a bit of it spills on the floor.

So, I set the remote back down on the table, get some towels and wipe up the spill.

Then I head down the hall trying to remember what I was planning to do.

At the end of the day:
the driveway is flooded,
the car isn't washed,
the bills aren't paid,
there is a warm can of Coke sitting on the counter,
there is still only one check in my check book,
I can't find the remote,
I can't find my glasses,
and I don't remember what I did with the car keys.

Then when I try to figure out why nothing got done today, I'm really baffled because I know I was busy all day long, and I'm really tired.

I realize this is a serious problem, and I'll try to get some help for ! it, but first I'll check my e-mail.

Do me a favour, will you? Send this message to everyone you know, because I don't remember to whom it has been sent.

Don't laugh -- if this isn't you yet, your day is coming!

The story of the Chocca Mocha

2005-11-11T16:09:00.000Z

Be wary of "friends" offering you a little treat such as a medium sized Mocha made with skinny milk from the local coffee shop...... how lovely I thought, yes I even took 10 minutes to relax in the canteen area for a change and savour the flavour yum, yum. However the evening came and it was time to tot up my points, so I flicked through my eating out guide to see if I could find a mocha made with skinny milk... now what could be the worst, 3 points I thought OH NO!!! a full, whole, big fatty piggy 5 points. Yes I did actually fall off the chair followed by an attempt of running up and down the stairs at least 20 times to try and repair the damage... until I tripped over tho dog and smashed my head into the front door (we have a small house... or could it be I have a big head) not too sure, and please don't comment on it ANYONE!

So fatty piggy's beware of those nasty little hidden points or should that be nasty little friends mmmmmm - you decide!!!

Oink, oink and flabber, flabber (in normal language thats love and hugs x)

My idea. Definintely mine :-)

2005-11-11T01:23:00.000Z

Second half of Day 2: Vegetable mêlée isn’t bad. I stir-fry virtually everything in the house that resembles or could be called a vegetable (excluding the two legged variety). Once on the plate I cheat slightly by adding a teaspoon of rich soy sauce. All it needs is a breast of chicken and it would be perfect… Having said that - I have eaten, I am full and that’s all that matters. My family have started to question my sanity and simply shrug as I declare my distain for the condition of my body. I find it refreshing and wonderful that kids never seem to notice whether their Mom is a skinny piggy or a fatty piggy. Husbands daren’t comment on these things – at least not since Lorena Bobbitt took matters into her own hands… (Literally). I drink copious amounts of water during the evening finishing off once again with a cup of peppermint tea and my aloe vera tablets – still no labour like pains, thank God. I stress momentarily wondering if tomorrow is labour-day…….???

Day 3: I awake joyful in the knowledge that this is the last day. Today I start with decaf coffee and a bowl of prunes in their own juice. I am quite fond of prunes from a can so this isn’t so bad. My 1.5 litre bottle is full and I begin to drink. I have come to the conclusion that my brain and bladder actually work for different companies and that a memo will not suffice. I apply to the relevant authorities to commence a merger between the two entities. My friend and I rejoice by phone about this being the last day and describe in detail what it is we will indulge in on Day 4. In all seriousness, I have decided that I will continue to limit my bread and dairy intake beyond today as I am surprised at how good my stomach feels. I don’t have that stodgy bloated feeling after any of my meals. Ok, describing what I have eaten over the past couple of days as meals may be a bit ambitious but this is a detox after all. Coupled with the fact that I have not, for the second day running, experienced any stomach pains as result of the ‘cleansing’ tablets makes me think that detox isn’t such a difficult mission after all. Whoo Haa!
For lunch I have a bowl of soup with tomatoes and big chunks of vegetables and continue working my way through the bottle of water. Not only do I feel good but I am taken aback when I realise that I am quite full after the soup. Perhaps my body is starting to adjust to smaller portions. Joy and rapture! This just might work!!! I spend the afternoon alternating between water and peppermint tea (I really do need to find another herbal tea that I can drink). My friend calls and refuses to eat another piece of fruit stating that she would rather skip lunch. I remind her that we only have half a day left and we congratulate each other on how well we have done. Going cold turkey (pardon the pun) on bread has been difficult for her and her withdrawal symptoms have only just started to abate. We are lucky to have each other over these three days as there have been points where both of us felt like giving up – or giving in. I had to talk her down from a toasted sandwich in the middle of day two and she had to talk me down from a mixed tuna (with loads of mayo) salad earlier today. Together we are strong. Unstoppable. Goddesses of the detox world!!
My son has just received a glowing report from his teacher so we celebrate by allowing him to choose the menu for dinner. My stomach growls furiously as he happily lists out the items, which include pizza, garlic & cheese fries, Coke™ and chocolate & caramel ice-cream. I remain the all powerful and glorious detox woman as I dig in to a mixture of fresh vegetables steamed and served with a vegetable broth (sounds bland but actually tastes very fresh and wholesome). I drool into my veggies as I watch my son stretch the cheese on a hot slice of pizza as he bites and pulls it away from his jovial jaws. I close my eyes and pretend that the green bean I am chewing is a chip dripping in garlic sauce, and as the family make their way through the mound of ice-cream that is their dessert, I plough in to a bowl of pear, banana and strawberries – all fresh, all good, all low fat, all not ice-cream. Afterwards I sit on the couch feeling quite pleased with myself, a smug smile pasted on my face. I can do this! I have done this!
Each family member has loosened belts and buttons and is groaning about being ‘soooooo full’ and I realise that I too am full but in a much nicer way. I don’t feel like a stuffed fatty piggy. I feel like a healthy woman who has eaten well today. For the last time I go to bed with my mug of herbal tea and take my aloe vera tablets. In the morning I will stand on the scales and bask in the glorious result of my three day detox.

Day 4: I can’t wait to stand on the scales and barely manage to dress myself as I run to the bathroom to drag them out to the centre of the floor. The result is wonderful and causes me to cheer out loud. It has worked. I have successfully detoxed!
My friend calls me with an even better result than mine and we cheer triumphantly down the phone. We’ve done it! How fantastic is that???

I have resolved to continue my healthy eating plan and taking the aloe vera colon cleansing tablets – despite my detour through Milan in a couple of days. After all, there must be healthy low fat food available in Italian restaurants – all I have to do is look for it, right????!!!
Oink oink.
Kath

Whose idea was this, anyway?

2005-11-09T01:57:00.000Z

Ok…. So a bestest Fatty Piggy friend and I decided that the only way to get back on track - following the October bank holiday weekend a certain amount of overeating and some extra curricular drinking – was to do a 3 day detox. We’re a day and a half into it and boy am I hungry!!!

Day 1 – I get up and drink 2 cups of herbal tea – peppermint being the only flavour that doesn’t make me wretch. Already I’m feeling healthy. I get into my car and drive to the local health food store to discuss my plan for a 3 day detox with the resident expert. She points me in the direction of some aloe vera colon cleansing tablets (the name alone scares me) telling me to avoid all dairy, red meats and wheat products, i.e. pretty much everything I would normally eat. I’m beginning to not like the sound of this. Then she directs me towards the dried fruits telling me that they are great for snacking. Now I don’t know about the rest of you, but I never eat dried fruits unless they’re chopped up and served in a Christmas cake alongside a coffee laced with an Irish cream liqueur. I grimace and buy the lot; prunes, apricots and the aloe vera nasty stuff. I deliver the tablets and dried fruit to my friend passing on the instructions to avoid everything that tastes nice and stick to fruit, vegetables and lots of water. Yum, I hear you say….. We exchange words of encouragement, support and dread and I go on about my business. Mid-morning I indulge in a strawberry and banana smoothie, which tastes really good and is made strictly from fresh fruit. Now I am feeling good about myself! The smoothie has filled me up and there’s only 2 hours to go until lunch time. I should make it! I can do this!
Lunch-time hits and I am frantically searching through the fridge and kitchen cabinets to find something that will taste nice and still stay within the detox parameters. I eventually give up and make a salad of lettuce, tomato, onion and pear with a teaspoon of balsamic vinegar. Not bad, but definitely not filling.
I had started drinking water earlier that day and am now gulping mouthfuls of it throughout the afternoon to curb my hunger. The side effect, of course, is now I am taking bio-breaks every ten minutes as my brain has obviously forgotten to tell my bladder that we are in detox mode. I would never survive as a camel!
My friend calls me mid-afternoon to question the need for the colon cleansing tablets as she feels as though the prunes and apricots have already started to work. I agree and admit that I have been as flatulent as a truck driver all afternoon. We have a giggle and carry on detoxing.
By dinner time I am ready to eat one of my young. I frantically call my friend and ask what she plans on having for dinner. We discuss this briefly between moans about how hungry we are and finally decide that soup is the best option. We can do this…! More words of encouragement are exchanged.
Back to the kitchen cabinets to forage. In complete desperation and by mistake I make the most delicious soup I’ve ever eaten.
2 X cans of chopped tomatoes – with nothing added
1 large red pepper
1 large red onion
2 celery sticks
1 carrot
2 cloves of garlic
Basil, thyme, oregano and black pepper
1 low salt, gluten free vegetable stock cube
½ pint of water
Simmer for approx 1 hour and puree it with a hand mixer.
Again I would like to reiterate how delicious this was and surprisingly filling.
I have a fairly hectic evening so the time passes quickly. I finish the day off with another litre of water, a cup of peppermint tea and finally two aloe vera tablets (this still scares me).

First half of Day 2 – I wake up with a slight headache and my stomach is growling. I read up on detox again and apparently this is normal and is most likely caffeine withdrawal. I would agree except I normally drink decaf coffee, so I’m none the wiser as to the cause and choc it down to starvation. I make peppermint tea and fresh pineapple chunks for breakfast and fill my 1.5ltr bottle full of filtered water. Mid morning my friend rings me to tell me that the tablets have worked a little too well and she has had pains in her stomach that are reminiscent only of labour. I am horrified. I didn’t like labour! I don’t want pains in my stomach! She reassures me by telling me that they only lasted for about 5 minutes and that she’s fine now. Sure, she’s fine. Her stomach pains have come and gone…. I haven’t had any yet! Anticipation is a killer.
The morning passes without incident and I’m feeling confident that I’ve had a lucky escape on the ‘cleansing’ front.
I have the other half of my soup for lunch… it really is good and filling. By mid afternoon I have finished my first 1.5 litres of water, have started into the second and have dissected a grapefruit, which I pick at occasionally. Meanwhile, my brain has still not had a meeting with my bladder. Perhaps I should post a memo?!? I have given up on trying to run to the loo between conference calls and have started bringing the phone with me – muting it, of course. I laugh thinking about the other 10 people on the phone who have no idea what I’m doing. The laugh is on me when I’m asked a question just as I flush and have to unmute the phone to answer. When one of my colleagues asks “What’s that strange noise?” I respond with “Oh, it’s my kettle. I was just making coffee.” All the while cringing and mumbling to myself about what a stupid idea that was.
As dinner is fast approaching I must off and start on my vegetable medley – or mêlée as the case may be…… More info tomorrow.
Oink oink.
Kath

Choices???????????

2005-11-07T19:35:00.000Z

If, like me, you have been struggling with your weight for years the bad news is you will probably have to struggle for the rest of your life. My problem is not my weight but my LOVE of food. It is a constant battle against the bulge but take heart, life is full of choices and it’s the choices we make regarding our food that help us have some control over weight (if you pardon the pun).

*********

Lets just say you are sitting down watching the T.V. and you feel a bit peckish. You decide to have a "Raid the Press Moment". All us Fatty Piggies can identify with that. OK your willpower is shot and you decide what the heck go for it….. You don't want to make a pig of yourself so you decide on a light snack. You have two choices "To Be" or "Not to Be" a little piggy THAT IS THE QUESTION.

A Little Light Snack……… Or So You Would Think.

Two Cream Crackers with Butter and Cheddar Cheese
Followed by 2 Chocolate Biscuits
A Cup of Coffee and 2 Sugar

Total POINTS/Units: 12 Approx. - Not Exactly Stuffed Are You????????

The Low Fat - Low Cal Choice

A Packet of Melba Toast (6 pieces)
Two Portions of Laughing Cow Light (eliminates the need for butter)
A Packet of Pink and White Jammies (much nicer than the plain ones)
A Cup of Coffee and Artificial Sweetener

Total POINTS/Units: 4 Approx. - Not Bad Eh????

Its Your Choice!!!!!!!!!!!

************

Don't tell me "You Can't Have It"... I will want it even more. But with a little imagination we can have that snack or that treat without paying too high a price. Scour the supermarket shelves for those low fat or fat free items. Read the labels. Sometimes things that are not marketed as low fat, actually are. A recent product I found was a well known iced coffee flavour biscuit at just half a POINT/unit per biscuit, it can't be beaten with a cuppa.

So Remember Little Piggies 'Think Before You Oink'.

Your Bestest Piggy Friend

Shar x

Which one???

2005-11-07T12:56:00.000Z

Nearly everything in life is measured and diets are no exception. Each diet has its own method of measurement, e.g. WeightWatchers® uses the POINTS® allowance whereas the G.I. Diet uses the Glycemic Index rating. There is also the dreaded body mass index (BMI) and various charts that plot your weight and height to determine if you are within healthy limits. Again, I refer to the fact that I am simply too short for my weight… I think I should be 6’1”.
If you are seriously thinking of changing your eating habits but can’t decide which diet is the right one for you; I came across this rather useful comparison that may lend a helping hand. I should point out that the comparison is slightly limited in its scope to probably the four most popular types, but it is worth a read as are the links embedded in each review.
Did you know that a study carried out by the Centre of Behavioural Medicine in Chicago in 1998 showed a direct correlation between successful weight loss and the monitoring of food intake? Conclusion; keep track of what you eat during the day – you may be unpleasantly surprised.
I discovered, after the first couple of weeks of tracking my daily intake of food, that I was (amongst other things) exceptionally careless at weekends - takeaway food, meeting the girls for coffee (which of course involves pastry) and visits to the pub being the biggest culprits. My findings were that I ate like a Fatty Piggy at weekends and I didn’t need a group of scientists to tell me that!
I have posted some links on this blogspot that I hope you will find useful and I would be grateful if you would send me links that you have also found informative (use the comments option below).
Oink oink…
Kath

Been there.... Done that!!

2005-11-04T13:33:00.000Z

A friend sent this message on to us yesterday...... We're still laughing!

"A girlfriend just told me her story of what she did last night...

My night began as any other, come home, fix dinner, bath the kids. Then I had the thought that would ring painfully in my mind for the next few hours, 'maybe I should pull the waxing kit out of the medicine cabinet' so I headed to the site of my demise: the bathroom. It was one of those cold wax kits, no melting a clump of hot wax, you just rub the strips together in your hand, they get warm and you peel them apart and press them onto your leg (or wherever) and you pull the hair right off. No mess, no fuss. How hard can it be? I mean, I'm not a genius, but I'm mechanically inclined enough to figure this out. (ya think?!)

So I pull one of the thin strips out, it's two strips facing each other stuck together. Instead of rubbing them together, my genius kicks in so I get out thehairr dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees (cold wax, yeah...right!) I lay the strip across my thigh, hold the skin tight and pull. It works! OK, so it wasn't the best feeling, but it wasn't too bad. I can do this! Hair removal no longer eludes me! I am she-rah, fighter of all wayward body hair and maker of smooth skin extrodinaire.

With my next strip I move north, I drop my panties and place one foot on the toilet. Using the same procedure I apply the wax strip across the right side of my bikini line, covering the right half of my who-ha and stretching down to the inside of my butt cheek (yes, it was a long strip) I inhale deeply and brace myself.....RRRIIIPPP!!

I'm blind, blinded from pain!!!OH MY GOD!!! Vision returning, I notice that I've only managed to pull off half the strip. CRAP!! Another deep breath and RRIIPP!! Everything is swirly and spotted, I think I may pass out...must stay conscious...Do I hear crashing drums???

Breathe, breathe...OK back to normal. I want to see my trophy - a wax covered strip, the one that has caused me so much pain, with my hairy pelt sticking to it. I want to revel in the glory that is my triumph over body hair, I hold up the strip - there is no hair on it, where is the hair??? WHERE IS THE WAX????

Slowly I ease my head down, foot still perched on the toilet. I see the hair, the hair that should be on the strip. I touch, I am touching wax. CRAP! I run my fingers over the most sensitive part of my body, which is now covered in cold wax and matted hair. Then I make the next BIG mistake...remember my foot is still propped up on the toilet? I know I need to do something, so I put my foot down. DAMN!!! I hear the slamming of a cell door, who-ha sealed shut! Butt sealed shut, penguin walk around thebathroom tryingg to figure out what to do. I think to myself 'what can I do to melt the wax?' Hot water melts wax, so I run the hottest water I can stand into the bath, get in, the wax should melt and I can gently wipe it off, right? WRONG!! I get in the bath - the water is slightly hotter than is used to sterilize surgical equipment - I sit.

Now, the only thing worse than having your nether regions glued together, is having them glued together and then glued to the bottom of a bath full of scalding hot water. Which by the way doesn't melt cold wax. I resort to scraping the wax off with a razor.

Now nothing feels better than having your girlie goodies covered in wax, glued shut and stuck to the bottom of a bath full of super hot water, than dry shaving the sticky wax off!!

By now dignity has taken a major hike and I'm pretty sure I'm going to need post traumatic stresscounselingg for this event, but finally I see my saving grace....the lotion they give you to remove the excess wax. What do I really have to lose at this point? I rub some on and OH MY GOD!! It's so painful, but I really don't care, IT WORKS!! Isuccessfullyy remove the remainder of the wax and then notice to my grief and despair THE HAIR IS STILL THERE.... ALL OF IT!! So I recklessly shave it off, heck, I'm numb by now, I could have amputated my own leg at this point.

Watch this space....next week I'm going to try a home hair colour!!"

Welcome

2005-11-04T11:43:00.000Z

A note to Sal: I apologies in advance for my flagrant abuse of the comma.

Welcome to the Fatty Piggy Club. The name for this 'exclusive' group was the brainchild of one of our dearest friends who ~ like myself and many other Fatty Piggy's ~ feels as though the never ending pursuit of the ideal weight (I should point out now that I am simply too short for my weight ;>), should be an enjoyable one. The key is to laugh at yourself every once and a while and don't be ashamed to say you ate the entire tub of full fat / make your stomach hurt ice-cream for no other reason than the fact that it was there.. in the freezer.. calling your name!!!
We - the Three Little Pigs - joined a well known weight-loss program in three different cities (and two different countries) within a few weeks of each other and have laughed our way out of a combined total of 35lbs since July 2005 - and when you add on our bestest Fatty Piggy friends (you know who the four of you are), who have been faithfully weighing in with us every week, it totals a staggering 65lbs (that's an average of over 9lbs per Fatty Piggy). Not too shabby!!
Our intention is to post recipes, notes, words of encouragement, confessions of Fatty Piggyness and other tid-bits that we feel should be shared with anyone who wants to read them - so please reciprocate when ever the spirit moves you.
Oink oink.
Kath

First Entry

2005-11-04T11:08:00.000Z

How we will look in June 2006 :-)

2005-11-03T15:41:00.000Z